Thanks

Time for a Thanksgiving list, because I'm reading Sister Oaks' book, and she often talks about gratitude in the time of adversity.
Yesterday, I was grateful that I could be forgiven of pettiness, anger, shallowness, and grouchiness. I was grateful that I could make amends with my Heavenly Father for being a brat.

Today, I am ecstatic for me, and liking myself. Last night, I was trying to sleep. I was thinking of my roommate, who is very fit and lovely, and I had the thought, “If I had her body…” But then I was like, no! I honestly rejected the ‘offer’. I like mine better. I am fit and soft and absolutely STUPENDOUS! I had a dance party in my room last night, with me, myself, and I. It was amazing. I plugged in some speakers and danced and flipped my hair and jumped around. I love bodies. I love fitness, and I love what I can do because I live in a temple 24/7.

This was a curious reaction within me, so I tested it a bit more. “Maybe if I was a loud and flirty…” NOPE!! I like my subtle flirtations and glances and soft words. She is not soft, she is whiny and shrill. I am a good whiner, but I try to keep that in my room.

One more time, “Maybe if I treated boys/people the way she does…” Nein. I don’t want to be a bossy woman. I don’t want to constantly correct people, like she does. I look wonderful for dates not just to show off but to show my date how much I appreciate his interest. My appearance and actions and words are my thank you note. She dresses according to who asked her on a date: one boy she dressed down for because she didn’t like him, and corrected and lectured him the WHOLE time they were at our house. I like how I am. I try to build other people (I am a meanie to my binger/attention-emaciated/loud roommate. God and I are working on it).

For all that she has ‘going for’ her, she is just as single as I am, and in a much more bitter and bratty attitude about it, too. I couldn’t help but think that I wouldn’t switch anything with her. I am just as lovely (we’re not going to say more so. I want to at least appear humbleish). I really sat and pondered, and came to the conclusion that I am very comparable competition. I am a player in this game. She may get up to bat more that I, but I am a powerhouse. I am an unknown Bambino. I still sometimes struggle to make sure that my confidence comes from me, and not from comparison, but it was a lovely thing to realize that I would trade with here, even to lose the pounds. I’m grateful for my voice, my waist, my ankles, my hair, my clothes, my eyes, my nose, and everything! I WIN at being me.

Victor for life.
For these things I am grateful.