Update/Round 5

He said, nicely, that the only with a problem with the situation is me. I’m the only one who is upset or feeling drastic about things. SO!? I am a woman. He wants to know what I am going to do about it. He wondered aloud what I was doing to change things.
That doesn’t seem fair. I think I’m still mad. I don’t think things are fixed. I hate that he thinks things are fixed. I don’t think things are resolved.
He doesn’t seem to want to understand. That’s not fair- I don’t even understand me. He called me a Pandora’s Box. He got really frustrated at one point: “I don’t understand. I thought I understood girls. But I don’t.” I said, “I know you thought you understood girls. You don’t.”

I don’t want to trust him. I keep explaining to him that I don’t want to hang out. I don’t want to spend all this time with some boy who is attached. He said that it is my choice. I’m the one who hangs out. I yelled, because it is different for him: he is pretty set, with missionary girl. I am not. I told him that I wonder if I am not putting myself out there, that he was what I spent my time and energy on. He was like, “Whose fault is that?” Then I yelled at him. “I don’t like that word fault. I’m not trying to stay here. I’m not trying to like you. I want to get over it more than anything.”

What?

What now? Bob wants me to present myself the way a salesman would. Bob is also very proud of me for going forty eight hours. He didn’t think I could do it. He kept commenting on it. He was like, “You should feel like a champion. You should be so proud of yourself for doing it. Don’t you feel so much more confident?”

Yes. But I still want Andrew, and frankly, THAT PISSES ME OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFF!!!!! I’m exhausted. I told him that we can’t call each other these ‘friendly’ names anymore. No more whore. No more b-otch. No more skank. No more man-ho.
He was like, “whore is like saying I love you.” But I don’t want to say those things anymore. I want to text him right now, saying that I am really mad.

Bob says, obviously this is not a person who really wants to be driven away. “I would be a lot more frank and sometimes mean to him. He seems to want a pity party often, and I wouldn’t give him that. What would you say to him next time he says something like, ‘I feel really depressed and I need some attention right now.’?” I said, “That sucks.” Bob thought that would be a very good response. I think Bob is right. I really need to be less softie and sweet. Bob wondered aloud if I really did have a mean side ( you and I both know I do) “You CLAIM you have a mean side, but you seem to be using passive tone often.” He thinks that being less easy would help me. I think I probably can be more honest, and maybe less tender. I don't know.

It’s true. I don’t want to be passive girl. Help me, Father in Heaven. Help. Nobody else knows what I am feeling or thinking, not even I know these things. Only God.