Broken Heart

…
"Oh lift me from the grass!
I die! I faint! I fail!
Let thy love in kisses rain
On my lips and eyelids pale.
My cheek is cold and white, alas!
My heart beats loud and fast;—
Oh! press it to thine own again,
Where it will break at last.”

I’ll be the first to admit to reading a poem during the middle of class: I read this poem during the middle of class this week. I don’t think that I know all there is to know about love. I only just recently learned about my capacity for love, and I know that I don’t know the extent of that one. I know that when I love people, I want to serve them all of the time. I have recently learned that I want to give all of me to people that I love.

I am all I have to give as a gift, and I want to give myself to those that I love. Family members already have a claim on me: I am already theirs, sister, daughter, niece, cousin. I learned that I am theirs. I learned that I want to become the belonging of some other people too. These were my previous learnings. This poem taught me more about love, and more about myself.

“I die! I faint! I fail!... My heart beats loud and fast;—Oh! press it to thine own again, Where it will break at last.” This line brought to my memory the things we are taught about God, Jesus Christ, and humility. Aren’t we told to come unto Him with a broken heart? Why would we do this? I’ve only just scratched the surface on this principle. I think that when my heart is broken before the Almighty, He is more easily able to send the Spirit into me. I am easier to teach when brokenness and softness are part of my heart, rather than the calluses and scars that some hearts have. When my heart is broken, I cry. I cry unto my Father. I cry to Him for help, for comfort, and for protection through rough times. These lines made me think of these things.

“My heart beats loud and fast.” I am quickened in my desire to be healed. This quickening draws me to Heavenly Father with desperation. I hurry back to Him. Nobody likes heartbreak, but I see the point in it in this circumstance. I see the point in crying, “I die! I faint! I fail.”

“Give me life, Father. Strengthen me, Lord. Make up for my failings, God.” We are going to fail. I will fail. I will be faint at so many things, and I may die a little bit inside with sin and heartbreak. Heavenly Father’s soothing balm is there to keep my heart soft. My heart breaks against His in my sin and repentance. Thanks be to One who know our failings, and still lifts us in our death.